So the other day, I had just got done eating a super burrito at Los Caporales in Livermore, CA. It was fucking delicious, and after my engorgement meter was reading at the proper levels (aka my belt uncomfortably restricting movement of my lower torso) I continued on my merry way. But perhaps 15 minutes later I passed by an establishment known as Curry Cravings:
‘Grand Opening’ sign will remain for another year at least.
Yes, my body was full. But was it full of the curry that men are known to crave? No, it was not. In fact, it was woefully empty of said addictive substance. So I said fuck it, and I decided to bang-bang.
Fuck you body you’re not my boss.
Apparently this place had just opened, and all of the employees were a bit overzealous in their willingness to please. It might have also been just because my assistant and I were the only ones there. Either way, we had just got done eating, so it would have actually been nice if they had just chilled a bit on the service, but they seemed convinced I was craving the curry and that I needed it ASAP. I asked the server boy for a second so I could peruse the menu:
Dubious as fuck claims
Paneer Pops. I really hope they serve it on a stick to allow proper sucking.
After thoroughly scanning the menu for any stupid names and/or grammatically comedic irregularities, I didn’t come up with much, but then again, I didn’t really read the whole thing because I was just really tired of seeing the word ‘organic’. Don’t get me wrong, organic is great and all, but the restaurant is called Curry Cravings. If you are super strung out and need a curry fix, you really don’t care if it’s organic or not. You just want a fat pile of spiced slop to guzzle. I ordered a chai tea and some big ass crackers to have some ‘food for thought’ while I contemplated the menu further.
Finally, I decided upon the Organic House-Mix Grill and the Organic Shahi Paneer Tikka Masala, in addition to some garlic naan. While I waited, plates were continually added to the table by the server boy. It got to the point to where I wondered if some Indian family was going to join my assistant and I for our meal.
Then the food came:
Kinda was hoping there was going to be a different sauce than the sauce for the giant crackers. Oh well.
The Organic House-Mix Grill was fucking tight. It was four different kinds of chicken, each with a different kind of marinade/spices. At first I just started eating them with abandon and I had totally forgot they were all different. But once you stop being a dumbass you can totally appreciate the vastly different flavor profiles and they are all super delicious. The mint cilantro sauce is super salty though, and didn’t make for an inviting lil’ dipster. Also, despite being already full, I could have been stoked on some bigger portions.
The tikka masala and the naan were both killer as well. Those little golden ornate bowls that they always serve Indian food in always look so small, and then before you know it you are gurgling curry stomach acids out of your mouth because you are fucking full. I guess it’s basically just a pot of cheese cubes and super rich sauce, so it definitely makes you full fast. The flavors were pretty awesome too. My memory of the flavor sensations remain vague though, as it this point I was just eating, not even for sport or for sustenance, just to exist. Also, eating buttery naan with dirty ass hands rules:
On the whole, I’d definitely recommend this place. Server boys are so nice to you that you almost forget that you are scum, and the flavor is at least 2 cuts above shitty all-you-can-eat spots.
On an unrelated note, I don’t think I’m ever going to have a context to put this into a blog post, so I’m just gonna leave it here: