Being a straight white dude in America definitely has its advantages. There is a plethora of tight shit catered just for us. For example, there are plenty of shopping malls with Hooters and Fuddruckers within a mere 1 minute lifted truck drive from one another. Sometimes though, it’s nice to change it up. I mean, I feel like all I’ve been hearing about since I was a kid was what white people have done and do. It gets old. So on this particular day I decided to try out being a little Asian girl and I headed on down to Popping Fresh:
It was definitely little Asian girl as fuck. Just look at the walls:
Those mushrooms celebrate sexual diversity haha.
They have a bunch of different things to eat and drink at Popping Fresh. Lots of tea/boba drinks and sandwiches and salads. The drink selection is actually really overwhelming, but the food selection shows an amazing restraint for an Asian restaurant. Let’s take a look!
If you are parched as fuck and need refreshment, you can get any number of sodas, including a Refresh Soda:
Or perhaps you are just fat as fuck, and need a big shake. I didn’t try any of them, but Popping Cooling Cookie sounded tight. It’s got flavor cookie in it so you know it’s good:
As you can see in the above picture, my camera is a piece of shit. At least, that was the theory I had for several years, but lately I’ve been thinking it actually goes deeper than that. Much like many scanners will not allow you to scan currency, I think my camera has built in Greazey Lenz technology than is automatically applied when the camera sees Bigfoots, Loch Nesses, UFO’s, and unbelievably dumb menus. So please bear with me and forward all complaints to Obama, thank you.
Moving on, they also have hot beverages:
I asked the Popping Mistress behind the counter about number 5, the Coffee Eggo. She said they crack an egg into the bottom of a mug, and then pour hot coffee on top, and then stir rapidly to sort of whip it up. I’ve often thought of eggs as being a good alternative to heavy cream, so I was pretty stoked on this, and I ordered it. But a man just can’t guzzle hot egg juice all day by itself, so I looked further down the menu for some food to eat. Unsurprisingly, the abnormalities of the menu continued to prevail:
Really enjoying these acronyms, especially H.A.M. for ham sandwich.
I ended up getting the Combination Sandwich. Promising no less than four different kinds of meats, it seemed like the best bang for my hard earned meat bucks. Plus, getting headcheese from some boba drink place seemed pretty legit. Now, being a Feaster, a mere sandwich would not suffice, so I had to order a side as well.
The Vietnamese Style Chicken Wings sounded so good, but being a pro food blogger and all, I gotta keep this thing legit, so I opted for the Milky Crunch. Nothing like biting into milk and hearing that crunch I always say.
She’s saying ‘Fuck yeah this is good plus my crunchy mustache is cute’
I ordered my food, then I walked around. I walked down the hall towards the games.
This music was playing in my head:
I bet Subway Jared gets down with this shit.
They even had a game where you can ‘gleek’ on people:
I thought this was pretty cool because I haven’t even thought about gleeking since I was about 15 years old. Definitely had some pretty outrageous fun gleeking back in the day and it’s good to see people are still squirting saliva on their buddies. I don’t think my assistant would be down with getting gleeked, so I turned down the games, and decided to squirt some urine out of my dickhole in the bathroom:
This is not the toilet. It’s the sink. Pretty weird though.
I was ejecting the fluid waste out of my body and I noticed that there was actually no way to lock the door. There was literally no way to lock the door. Intrigued, I looked high and low, and nothing. At that moment, I was pretty fucking psyched I wasn’t dropping a fat loaf because it would really suck for me and whoever had to see that. Not to say my butthole isn’t cute, it is, but not when there is blast material about.
I returned to my table and waited patiently for my face to be fed. Some young high school girls the table over were playing Jenga loudly as fuck, but it helped me remember that I was supposed to be on a little Asian girl mental vacation. It definitely felt like I was on some sort of vacation, especially with the sandy beach right before me:
Then my food came:
Quick inspection to make sure I got all 4 of the meats that were promised:
Meat results were inconclusive. It appears there were only two meats? Maybe three meats? Not totally sure, but I’m not one to quibble. Bread was crispy on the outside, soft and forgiving of sin on the inside. Carrots and bok choy were tanged with an excellent little sweet sour sauce. I put some hoisin on there too for extra flavor dimension. Very delicious sandwich, although I feel like I would have done better with the Pork Patty and Pork Belly one.
Coffee Eggo, and oh yeah, I got garlic tofu too.
The coffee eggo was seriously thick and delicious. They put tons of sugar and lots of what is probably instant coffee into this thing and cook an egg in it. The egg makes the froth super dense. I could totally see myself drinking these while running marathons if I was buff enough to do that kinda thing. However, just sitting still at a table drinking heavily caffeinated heavily sugared drink with egg froth just makes your body feel bad. I still approve though. The garlic tofu was nice and crispy on the outside, while still retaining its tofu texture on the inside. Very nice. And the heaping mound of garlic on it was also pretty fucking delicious.
Me during meal
I took one look at the Milky Crunch, and thought, “Wait, I think I’ve heard of this kind of bread before.” And then it hit me:
Thanks Urban Dictionary!
The cum bread was very delicious, albeit simple. It was basically just French bread with plain sugary syrup all over it. I suppose I had higher hopes for this dish, but I guess when you order dumb shit sometimes you get dumb shit.
Overall, I gotta say, I really enjoyed my experience here. They only improvements I could think of would be to make the portions bigger, and if they got rid of the board games and put a Smash TV arcade console up in there that would be awesome. Anyway, until next time: