Although winter’s lack of daylight hours and added chilliness provides a good excuse to sit inside and pack on pounds, masturbate, and engage in general fatfuckery, it can still be very much a bummer. So to cheer myself up, I paused the adult videos, and watched my favorite RATT video:

In which, the clown says to the child, “Alright Steven, blow out the fucking candles!”, and in doing so, Steven is transported to a place that is none other than Pancake Circus:


And if it’s good enough for Steven, then by God it’s good enough for me, so off I went to the capital city of Sacramento in search of a feast that would boost my spirits. How could clowns and eating not cheer a person up? I mean, take a look inside this place and tell me you are not already feeling dandy:





That is of course, until you meet the Leo Johnson of Sacramento:


 As soon as he’s done busing your table he’s gonna teach Shelly a lesson. 

Also, you can play scratchers while you eat:


Ok, so maybe this place isn’t quite so cheery inside, but even with dismal surroundings, a good hearty meal would surely cheer you up! So let’s take a gander on what’s on the menu:


The Circus Big Top sounded good, as it seemed like the biggest quantity of food, however, it didn’t seem very interesting. Also, as much as I’m eternally hungry to the point of not even knowing the difference between the sensation of being hungry and full anymore, I didn’t want to look like this dude:


So I perused the menu a little further. Apparently they have a pancake sandwich:


I’m not entirely sure what the difference between a regular pancake and a ‘Circus Pancake’ is but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with this dude:


So I ordered the No. 5 and my assistant ordered the No. 6, the Chicken Fried Steak. After spending the next fifteen minutes after ordering eclipsed in colorful darkness and the reek of grandma breath around us, our food came:


Butter with a side of food

Apparently all it takes to make a pancake sandwich is instead of putting the side of bacon where it would normally be, you take an extra 3 seconds and put the slices between the stack of cakes and VOILA!


The bacon wasn’t even between the bottom two cakes either. Also, if they could have incorporated the egg in there that would have been cool too. I’m really struggling to recall a time in my life where I’ve seen a more half-assed sandwich assembly, aside from perhaps times when I’ve been rummaging through my kitchen after heavy alcoholic revelry.

If you forget about the illusion/insult of a sandwich though, the meal is quite delicious. Egg was cooked just how I like it, over medium, and the bacon just crispy enough but still pliant. The pancakes were also rich and fluffy, perhaps due to fat/sad clown semen? Who knows….


No.6-Chicken Fried Steak

On the whole, I think the Chicken Fried Steak was a better meal, albeit still pretty mediocre. The potatoes were awesome, no mealy undercooking, lots of spices, and gratuitous loads of fried bell pepper and onion. The gravy was tasty, although the slathering could have been messier. The meat was extra mysterious looking, just the way I like it:


The delicious taste of the unknown. 

Despite giving you readers the above description of a meal that was sub-standard, I spent five years as a dishwasher, and I’m also something of a man who occasionally ventures outdoors, and thus, I leave no trace:


Given the above information, you might think that perhaps breakfast is not Pancake Circus’ strong suit, that perhaps it is better to go there in the night/evening. Maybe you’re right, or maybe you are horribly mistaken:


A ground beef patty with a side of jello for dessert? If, dear readers, you ever see me ordering this I want you to send a death squad to my house to murder me out of my misery. 

So if you are suffering from the winter time blues, then by all means, go to Pancake Circus. That is, if mediocre food and dumpy clown decor cheer you up, then you are going to be one happy camper! And the fact that it’s in dumpy bummer capital city of Sacramento, what really do you have to lose? Man up like this child from Yelp and gorge yourself until you are food-blind:



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