There are many types of turban in this world. There is the Funk Turban:



The Teabag Turban:


The YOLO Turban:


And the “I Hope A Dude Comes And Blows Me On This Sick Mountain” Doo Rag/Turban:


Oh, and let’s not forget the Urbann Turbann:



Extra n’s because this ain’t your granny’s turban!

Not to be confused with Turban Outfitters:


It’s a fast food restaurant specializing in serving Indian food. It’s a stone’s throw away from UC Berkeley, so they try to put shit in there that appeals to college kids, like this:


So zany, so irreverant! 

You get into a line and then you tell the guy behind the counter what you want. It’s a lot like a Subway, or like Chipotle, as almost every review on their Yelp will tell you:




People are seemingly fascinated with the idea that they can choose whatever they want, an idea that I find abhorrent. What the hell does some little shit in college know about Indian food? That, coupled with the fact that Chipotle is a disgrace to Mexican food, really made me not want to try this place. Buuuuttttt, their name is so fucking dumb that I simply had to indulge my curiosity.

I stood in line, and told a man who may or may not play in Neurosis what I wanted:



“You know, this doom metal shit is cool, but man, I just love serving those wraps…”

I ordered the Butter Chicken on naan, and then the guy pointed at the metal bowls in front of him and was like “what do you want on it?”


I think this is where Urbann Turbann falls seriously short. There are no labels or anything on any of these things, and there are like 20 of them. I really have no inkling whatsoever as to what any of them are, and I’m not going to stand there and ask this dude what each and every one of them is. So I just pointed at the ones with the gooiest looking potential, and asked him to put that on. I was gonna eat there, but the dude behind me had a fucking Razor scooter in line with him, and I just thought “you know, maybe I don’t really feel like mingling with the crowds tonight” and I took my wrap home with me.


As you can see from above, the wrap is both gooey and pretty large. I was pretty pumped actually. However, the comparison with Chipotle was rather apt in another way, in that the bold flavors of what usually constitute Indian food were muted, or “Berkeleyized”:

Untitled But it was still pretty good. A dude visiting here from Nebraska or something would probably think this is the most flavorful thing he has ever tasted. And typically, for me anyways, quantity of food trumps quality, because I like to feast.


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