Everyone remembers how much of a bummer school lunches were. Personally, my parents just packed me Twinkies and Ding-Dongs, but I do remember the other kids in school eating nasty stuff like this:

schoollunch1

Choco milk was pretty good though

Now, what if you took your favorite food from school lunches, and made a restaurant of it!? Well, that’s what these people did:

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Patty’s Cheese Zombies

According to this long ass history poster they have outside their store, the “cheese zombie” was a cheese stuffed bread roll they served at schools in the Contra Costa School District.

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I merely skimmed through the rambling content. Then they said something about zombies not being what they used to be and that struck a chord with me.

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Old zombie:

oasis-1

 

Cool

New Zombie:

nashville-zombie-beer-fest

Weak

Making a restaurant dedicated to school food actually sounded like a concept rife with failure, and possibly lots of diarrhea and hair in your food. It seems like a lot of locals are pretty stoked on the idea though:

Untitled

“Hey doods, remember when we were punching Jimmy in his dick, and then we bromanced in the quad over cheese zombies? Oh man that was cool.”

But I ventured forth:

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Concord locals, pumped on reminiscing

There was a little menu indicating the daily specials:

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I particularly enjoyed how they made special mention of the Sausage and Cheese Zombie containing nothing but the finest of sausages, the mighty Jimmy Dean (100% Animal Meat!). It’s that promise of quality that keeps me coming back to these kind of establishments. That, and the fact that these kind of establishments, no matter what they are selling, always sell ice cream too:

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After sundown in the Field of Creams=rape zone  

After careful consideration, I ordered the Ham, Jalapeno, and Cheese Zombie, otherwise known as the HCJ:

hcj

Insert sexual acronym here. 

Although I did not grow up in Concord, the bun did remind me much of school lunch bread. Very soft with lots of give, with a buttery outside that leaves you with greasy fingers that your jealous buddies will be simply dying to get a smell of. The gooey cheese did ooze something fierce, and combined with the ham and jalapenos, the flavors were more suited for the adult palate, albeit one that has severe weight issues.

l

Via Yelp. This totally looks like a dickhole. 

My tasting buddy got the Breakfast Zombie:

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100% Ass-Fed Jimmy Dean Sausage

It actually looked a lot more like something from 7-11 than mine, but he reported good flavors. Some people on Yelp reported unpleasant things however:

review

Two stars for the two times of the four times they ran out twice. This is like leprechaun poetry or something. 

See you at the next feast!

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